On not knowing exactly what's up

Having just read JD Vance's account of his conversion to Catholicism (written in 2020),  I found myself in “violent agreement” with much of what he had to say, and reminded that I thought Hillbilly Elegy was an also a good read. It’s hard to square this with the man who embraced Trump and comes across as a scold and some kind of righteous avenger in his current persona. But his conversion story seems very real and authentic and one can’t help but be happy for him and admire his forthright narrative about how he got there.

I too have felt those moments he refers to as “the touch of God” although I wouldn’t necessarily use that language to describe them. There is something miraculous and mysterious about life, and ,although those moments are frustratingly fleeting, I don’t doubt their significance  or importance. Although they are treasured,  I don’t see them leading back to any ideology or institution and they are a rather flimsy edifice on which to hang your whole life. “Before enlightenment, clean the house, after enlightenment, clean the house”. 

In Varieties of Religious Experience William James comments about conversion experiences that people who have a “moments of truth” that leads them to religion are remarkably similar to those who have moments of truth that lead them away from religion. There is I think an understandable temptation to “spread the word” after such experiences, and to become a zealous advocate for your new found convictions.  

The one thing I feel (fairly ) certain about is that each of us has to find our own way in our own time. And I think if your experience  banishes all doubts, you have probably drawn the wrong conclusions. Humility is still in order, no matter how strongly you embrace your convictions. My erstwhile friend Dolores declaimed one evening that she was “absolutely certain there was a higher power guiding us all”.  I had to demur, as did her husband, and there the matter stood. 

However, far be it from me to treat such sentiments with derision or cynicism. I have derived much inspiration over the years by exposing myself to the thoughts and teachings of philosophers, gurus and prophets, too many to mention, who have a gift for expressing those things most of us have to struggle to put into words. Indeed, I like to think my life has been spent in pursuit of that elusive wisdom that brings solace and the occasional joy to the harsh realities we are often confronted with. Somewhere along the way I realized there was no final “truth” to be had and that the seeking itself was the point. 🤔 

"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing." Socrates