"Let us dare to speak of our abiding dreams and occasional visions, and of the endless longing for some sanctuary beside the still waters where the soul can rest within the everlasting arms of the Soulmaker" Sam Keen
I wonder if the anxiety and disturbance I am feeling and that seems to be waking me up in the middle of the night is my conservative, change-resistant ("I don't wanna have to move") and fearful self blocking my sense of adventure ("I can move anywhere I want!") What if I spent my money on adventures instead of security?
I have been secure here but I have also stagnated and had the feeling I was "running out the clock". Falcon Street is familiar to me now, I know my way around and I can take care of my needs with a minimum of effort. And yet I am bored a lot and just killing time. So many days I end up spending my time on idle internet surfing, trying to find movies to watch, waiting for 10 PM, my appointed bedtime.
In some mystifying way, I think I am continuing to hang on to Floss.
Years ago when I ventured off to Georgia, I had no idea if it was gonna work out. I packed what little I possessed in my borrowed 1966 Chrysler that originally belong to my uncle, the Monsignor, and headed south, not without some trepidation. This was, after all, the South of Easy Rider.
It turned into one of the most productive and happy years of my life, a seminal experience that I treasure to this day. Can I channel that same sense of adventure now, faced with an ending and a potential new beginning? To do so I must say goodbye to the comfortable and familiar, and hello to the new and unknown.
